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Breast physics: A review

We all remember that scene from Dead or Alive 4:

Girl 1 (I can’t remember who it was, but I’m sure some obsessive nerd will tell me): Those are my cabbages!

Girl 2 (Ditto): No, those are my cabbages!


Ugghh. However, it seems that what most fighting games lack in plot, more often than not is compensated for by a directly proportional amount of jiggling breastices. It also seems that people have spent a lot of time worrying about whether these buxom and bouncing edifices will create a generation of disappointed male gamers when they discover that real boobs don’t actually move on their own. This is not that article. Mostly I am just here to offer some constructive criticism and very softcore porn.

Take a look some boob physics in action (if you can stomach all 2:38 of it, be my guest, but really, just no.):

Although those breasts stand so firm and proud, they have a maternal squishiness to them that indicates excellent plastic surgery and also oedipal complexes maybe. But also, they are kind of moving independently of the chicks’ bodies (although to be fair these are some of the most realistic I have seen).

This clip from Phantasy Star Online shows the horror of what happens when breast physics goes awry:

Well apart from the fact that it’s pretty damn hilarious, I feel quite sorry for the girl whose enormous jugs seem to be trying to escape from the confines of her body and return to their home planet or something.

Well, that’s that. I’m not going to go into the whole “objectifying women” debate because I don’t have the energy to care about that today. So I’ll just say that although I don’t really see the attraction of these bewbies (perhaps due to being jaded by having my own pair), we all know that sex sells and this means that people will keep playing awful games as long as long as those baloobas keep bouncing.

 Stephanie's Twitter | MWEB GameZone

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