I just put that title there to make myself sound smart. The truth of the matter is, the only thing that qualifies me to write this article is that I am female by definition, but in all honesty, I'm not very good at being a girl (I'd give myself a C+ or thereabouts, but that's still quite generous).
Anyway, I thought I would construct this pseudo-psychological science-y type guide to girl gamers that probably has no realistic educational value as the Internet tells me that none of the guys reading this have girlfriends. So maybe this will help you pick up chicks online or something.
Firstly it's important to note that it's quite rare to find girls who play 1v1 games. The social interaction is apparently very important to us because of "reasons".
Before all the girls reading this get mad and start moaning that "I don't know them" *click* *click*, I would like to inform everyone that I compiled this guide with the help and guidance of my friend Linchpin_Pineapple_Face who is a boy and lessens any gender-based bias in this research simply by being around (but he also wrote stuff which is even better).
We managed to agree on three main "types" of girl that hang around online.
1. The Attention-Seeker
2. The Level-Headed
a) Those who say they are girls
b) Those who don't
3. The Traps (Female Impersonators)
The findings of our pseudo-research will be divided into three parts and thus today we begin with:
Who she is:
The attention-seeker is about presenting herself as a sex-object and if she manages to learn anything about the game while doing this, she considers it a bonus.She's sort of like a stripper, except with more technology. This sort of gamer girl spends approximately 185% more time taking pictures of herself with the controller than actually using it. She's a huge fan of large-frame hipster glasses because they make her look like she might be literate.
This is exactly the sort of nonsense I am talking about.
What she plays:
This girl lives to be the center of attention, so games with a strong team dynamic suit her personality-type. You'll find her in the eye of the tornado of ascii penises in games like DoTA, League of Legends or Team Fortress 2.
Expect her to be super cutesy. With this girl, there's always the *hint* of things to come. But Scumbag Gamer Girl never intends to act on the sweet, sweet nothings she whispers in your ear. The sort of anonymity that gaming aliases offer her allow her to flirt and flutter from gamer to gamer without restraint. She loves that you are nice to her (although guys' motivation for this differs) but once your resources have been exploited she will forward slash quit and leave you in a puddle of tears and feels.
YFW, Bro, YFW.
This sub-type of gamer girl does not get on well with other females because she will feel that her status as Queen Bee and whatnot is being threatened.
What she says:
"OHai you guise, my name is [insert girl's name] and I don't know how to play this game and I have boobs TEE HEE."
"You're so nice, I wish that all boys were like you."
Her favourite emoticon is the winkyface [ ;) ].
Prepare to become her emotional dumping ground as she shares every single problem she has ever had with you because her favourite hobby is talking about herself.
Think of every single lame, saccharine thing you possibly can - that's pretty much her vernacular.
What not to do:
Tune in next week for part 2!
Stephanie's Twitter | MWEB GameZone
Linchpin_Pineapple_Face's Behance | Tumblr
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