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When gamers die in RL

by Stephanie Duchenne (Panda McBearface)  Posted Monday, March 18, 2013 10:08:02 AM

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I’ve been reading a few stories today about gamers who don’t know the cheat codes to get 30 extra men and ran out of respawns. I’m feeling pretty morbid because I miss my pets so I thought I’d channel those feels into an article about dead guys. This article is probably going to come across as being pretty tactless so if you’re super sensitive, STOP READING NOW.

The first recorded deaths attributed to videogames are those of Jeff Dailey and Peter Burkowski. They really loved an Atari game called Berzerk. They loved it so much that they literally used the last seconds of their time on this Earth to log the high scores they had achieved before departing to other planes on the soft wings of cardiac arrest.

Also of notable mention is the death of Jennifer Strange, who died as a result of water intoxication after willingly joining a contest entitled “Hold your wee for a Wii” (yes, really). So friends, please learn from this so her death will not be wasted (because she didn’t even win any prizes of any sort): TAKE A BATHROOM BREAK SOMETIMES, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

A 33-year-old man from China (his name was not released) died after gaming for 650 consecutive hours, aka 27 days straight. During this time he barely drank or slept and ate nothing but the occasional pot of Ramen Instant Noodles. This resembles my life quite closely because I can’t really afford to eat anything but noodles; except for I drink sufficient quantities of water so I’m still alive.

I know that these things sound somewhat amusing when presented here, but actually they’re not really funny when you think about the realities of what actually happened. So friends, don’t forget to sleep, eat, drink and micturate because really, not doing those things will kill you and nobody likes to be that dead guy being written about in facetious internet articles.

 

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Please note that the opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not MWEB Connect (Pty) Ltd



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