If I stood in front of you and said, “I enjoy playing the Sims”, I would be lying like a fork-tongued devil-snake. The Sims is to fun what the Twilight series is to literature: technically the required components are there, but at the same time they lack real substance and leave you feeling disappointed and very silly for getting involved in the first place. Playing with your Sim allows you to have an extremely tedious, repetitive sort of fun until you get bored and kill him or her off by building a tiny room with no doors or windows around said Sim and not allowing him to eat/doing the same thing and setting off fireworks next to the tiny room so that it burns down/making your Sim swim forever (I was really disappointed that they managed to iron out that bug). The game paints a rather depressing and existential picture of the monotony of life; and yet it stokes the feverish fires of completely neurotic obsession within my very soul every time I play. This complete derangement on my part made me the obvious choice to review The Sims: Seasons.
In order to make this review more interesting both to the reader and to myself (because after all, the game is actually just The Sims with seasons) I thought it would be cool to add a storyline. Unfortunately the story doesn’t have an end because one does not simply finish The Sims, but whatever. My friend Mark “Serpent” Oosthuizen volunteered for the job of being a Sims husband and thus the Serpent family was born (because the game is clearly a tool of the sexist male gender regime, I was forced to take his name). Writing this now, I realise how weird it is that I concocted this pseudo-life where me and Mark got married and had a baby, but it’s done and although I feel slightly creep-like, I can’t go back now because I am obsessed.
As with the other Sims games, you are able to modify their appearances and pick out their outfits and such (most of the clothing is still fugly though). In order that this simulation of my life would be as realistic as possible (see? So creep-like!), I spent ages making our Sims resemble us as much as possible only to realise that they don’t look anything like us irl.
Once all our personality traits and favourite foods had been chosen, me and Mark moved into 55 Water Lily Lane in order to embark on the adventure that was our life together.
***Here I must make a brief interlude in order to discuss Sims Logic (read: incredible stupidity), because it is quite confusing to me that even though Serpent and I were newly-weds and must have loved each other enough to get married, we didn’t actually like each other that much (I thought that part came later).***
Mark was going to be a Criminal Mastermind and I was to work towards being an Animal/Robot Cross-breeder because I thought that those careers complimented each other quite nicely.
We had to build an extension onto our house in order that we could move past the umbrella on the floor (before that we kept getting stuck).
Anyway, we moved in, it was summer and everything smelt of freshly mowed grass. The Sims: Seasons supplies you with activities specific to each season that your Sims can indulge in.
Let me tell you that there were many water balloon fights that first magical Summer together. Gosh.
Mark and I decided that we wouldn’t aim to complete our life goals from the very beginning and instead muddled around as a chef and a paramedic. All was well and good as we moved into autumn. We laughed and raked leaves together. There were also some very realistic changes in weather patterns (the first time I heard the crack of thunder through my earphones I nearly jumped out of my skin).
This expansion pack also provides your Sims with an event for each season. The Serpent family danced and ate competitively at the Winter Festival in the centre of town in the hopes of being voted King and Queen. Alas, this time (although fun and good for us socially) represented the beginning of a decline in our relationship as Mark decided to embark on a clandestine love affair with Martha Hatch, a stupid b**** from the diner where he worked.
Both of us quit our jobs to pursue our ultimate purposes and I was extremely embarrassed when Mark got arrested and spent a night in jail for his criminal actions (not so much embarrassed because of his arrest, more because of the fact that he was dumb enough to get caught. Why be something if you’re not good at it? That makes you the nothing of anything). Upon his release, Mark left for another furtive meeting with The Other Woman, a particularly callous action considering that I was by then pregnant and about to go into labour (OMFG this creeps me out so much).
I had a baby boy; and because his father was not there to witness his birth, I chose to name our son after my RL dog, Sebastien. By now we were in our second spring together. Mark became more attentive, perhaps because of Love Day or perhaps due to the immense guilt he felt. By now I knew of his infidelity; and as new plants started to grow and burst in to bud, I attempted to kill him by forcing him to extinguish a kitchen fire. Unfortunately, he survived and we lost both our stove and a kitchen counter, which we had no money to replace.
Overall, The Sims: Seasons is extremely enjoyable (if you enjoy that sort of thing). What I like about this expansion pack is that it doesn’t suddenly introduce a huge change into your Sims lives (For example: SUDDENLY GHOSTS). The pack supplies you with a variety of small activities to do and objects to use which enhance the game as opposed to turning it into something completely different. If you are like me and are willing to forgo all RL social activities in order to simulate said activities on your PC instead, I would definitely recommend this game to you.
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