In a way, I kind of love Fox News. Because really, sometimes it seems like they are reporting the news from Imaginationland, which is just so fantastic in so many ways. Take the example below:
Fox News don’t know where Egypt is, but by gum they know how to make an official-looking map. And how do you defend such an enormous mistake? Easy. Just never say anything about it again ever.
The thing I love the most about it all is that they stick with their argument. No matter that its factual value is about as thin as the layer of margarine an extreme dieter will spread on her toast (if any at all). It’s just so quintessentially American of them to display such tenacity. And at the end of the day, who needs to do boring stuff like research when you can just say words? For one thing, it makes the news more entertaining.
I have found some of the most incredibly stupid and RL anti-gaming arguments made by Fox News which will either annoy you immensely or make you rofl (I hope for the latter). Here they are (and really, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried):
1. Don’t play Mass Effect because of all the sodomy
...Because of the digital chip age in which we live - “Mass Effect” can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.
>Take the above words from conservative blogger Kevin McCullough (who has never actually played the game)
> Get pop-psych “professional”, Cooper Lawrence (who has never actually played the game) to say things that agree with how this “customisable sodomy” will have a de-sensitising effect on little teenage boys
> Imply we will all become rapists
Alright Fox News, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt:
Firstly, although I’m not sure how one would customisably sodomise anyone “however” one wants because I thought that that act involved specific parts of the anatomy only, there are a lot of aliens in the game, so maybe we have to extend that definition to include the weird bits they might have.
Secondly, it was pretty strange that there weren’t any gamers that could actually remember the part of Mass Effect where they got points for giving other characters surprise buttsecks, but maybe we were all so de-sensitised by that time that we just forgot.
No. Just no. To both of those.
As a postscript, both McCullough and Lawrence have since apologised for the silly things they said (Lawrence after she got Amazonbombed to the max).
2. Playing Bulletstorm will make you a rapist
Not even loljk, but at least Fox is consistent in its choice of themes I suppose. Fox writer John Brandon stated that aside from the fact that you get awarded for shooting things in the buttocks, another horrible thing about the game is that...
The in-game awards system, called Skill Shots, ties the ugly, graphic violence into explicit sex acts: "topless" means cutting a player in half, while a "gang bang" means killing multiple enemies.
And because of exposure to this sort of language, we’re all going to go out and rape everyone, everywhere, ever. They even got Carol Lieberman that the sort of sexual situations seen in Bulletstorm and other games had led to a statistical increase in the crime of rape.
The increase in rapes can be attributed in large part to the playing out of [sexual]scenes in video games.
In a related story, this picture of a flying turtle hasn't even been shopped:
I’m not trying to deny that violent videogames are pretty much like porn to those already that way inclined, but really? Really?
This is something that actually happened. Fox let that happen. And they should be ashamed of themselves.
Lieberman also got the Amazonbomb treatment.
3. Sim City Societies is part of a liberal conspiracy to brainwash people into recycling
Sim City Societies has a green component. THIS IS BAD.
Firstly, for some reason, Fox News seems to think that recycling can be considered a bad thing (I smell a Republican conspiracy tbh, but let’s not go into that). The complete idiocy of that statement has made me lose several IQ points just by being exposed to it, so blame any spelling mistakes hereafter on Fox.
Secondly, a liberal conspiracy? Everyone knows that liberals are too busy running around being politically correct and being artsy-fartsy to actually make a direct attempt to brainwash anyone. They would present a concept more as a suggestion due to their immense fear of offending anyone.
Thirdly, the news report starts off with footage from two games that actually have nothing to do with the story, because really, why not? I actually think it's rather whimsical on their part.
When all is said and done, you have to respect the enormous amount of creative energy Fox News put into developing these news reports. And then say to them respectfully:
"Fox News, kill yourself."
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