by Stephanie Duchenne (Panda McBearface) Posted Wednesday, December 12, 2012 12:12:00 PM
A male acquaintance of mine once confessed that as child he had wanted to marry the Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid. An unholy, genetically impossible transmogrification of fish and human. This got me thinking: if boys can find that hot, there are probably very few things that they wouldn't be attracted to as long as they had the per-requisites of femalehood (apparently cloaca count as well). Thus, here are 5 female video-game characters that you know you were strangely attracted to even though you didn't mention it in company:
1. Ivy Valentine (Soul Calibur)
Her dad was an undead pirate and she has a pair of the most intimidating breastices I have ever seen. She also has a sword. Aside from the fact that I don't really understand how she walks around without a back-brace and also would like to perform experiments on her to test her buoyancy; admitting that you find her alluring is akin to standing in a crowded shopping centre and shouting things about your Oedipal complex to all the passers-by.
2. Cortana (Halo)
Blue-skinned and mostly naked except for a few strategically-placed micro-chips, Cortana provides back-story and tactical information to players of the Halo series. Why is it weird to like her? Look at it this way: She has no physical form in a non-tangible video game, which is pretty much imaginary level: inception (although this does make her less threatening to the shyer of the male species).
3. Harley Quinn (Batman: Arkham Asylum)
A rockin' body and the terrifying grease-painted face of a Satanclown. I actually don't know what more I need to say about her.
4. Sarah Kerrigan (Starcraft)
She may be a human/Zerg hybrid with wings and lots of spiky bits, but that body suit leaves little to the imagination. But just because I can understand why you would be attracted to her isn't going to stop me from judging you, weirdo. Her hair is tentacles OMG.
5. Liara T'soni (Mass Effect)
Liara is both a scientist and an alien. She has cool mind powers and is 106 years old. The weird thing is I was tapping that back in Mass Effect 1.Just like everybody else. Admit it, you had to see and rationalised it with "well, I'm here now, I may as well" sort of reasons. I'd rather not talk about it.
Stephanie's Twitter | MWEB GameZone
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