by Stephanie Duchenne (Panda McBearface) Posted Thursday, December 20, 2012 11:51:00 AM
We all know that the Japanese are kind of *weird* when it comes to almost every aspect of RL. We also know that we’ve all seen enough hentai to know that their attitude toward women is somewhat odd at best. So it’s therefore completely logical that they would have a bunch of video games that combine misogyny and strangeness in ways that are concurrently slightly disturbing and also, confusing as this statue of a goat who seems to be Bart Simpson for some reason:
Here is a list of 5 Japanese video games that are incredibly sexist and extremely phantasmagorical in both concept and demonstration of sexual proclivities:
1. Super Galdelic Hour
I Googled “Galdelic” so that I could tell you what it means, but Google couldn’t tell me – meaning that there is no-one in the world that knows. In any case, the plot (although I use the word “plot” very loosely) revolves around four animals that transform into women with huge boobs and very little clothing who you then have to guide through a series of events designed to make said boobage jiggle as much as possible. Jump rope, play whack-a-mole and also, bump your bum against another girl’s bum (???) while wearing a teeny tiny swimsuit. Riveting stuff.
2. Boon-Ga Boon-Ga
An arcade game with the objective: spank the poop out of a fake human derrière. Yup. Toptenz.net tells me that this game is designed to simulate kancho, a popular prank among Japanese children that involves the surprise poking of one’s’ victim’s anus. OK THEN. Win yourself a piece of plastic poo by spanking a selection of buttocks belonging to a wide demographic ranging from “the ex girlfriend” to “the child molester.”
3. Love Death
This game combines eroticism with baseball bats as you, the protagonist, bust the faces of a bunch of anime schoolgirls. And apparently chicks dig it. GG.
Apparently FPS games aren’t very popular in Japan unless you get to use your winky as a gun. Control an average teenage boy who suddenly becomes incredibly attractive to all girls in a ten-mile radius because aliens. Fend off these lusty babes with your “Pheromone Shot” to make them moan and jiggle in a manner most erotic before falling to their knees in a post-exposure-to-immense-masculinity stupor.
5. Princess Maker
This is like having a Tamagotchi pet except for it’s a lady. Feed her, clothe her, educate her so then when she turns 18, she might marry you. Her dad. And I am completely ok with this.
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